Let me begin this post by saying that this
is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
I have thought about it often, and when I’m out in public and see
parents with very well behaved children AND parents with less than well-behaved children... I kick myself for not having done
it sooner. I wanted to do this before I
get into the daily trials of parenting and
can no longer think straight, and also so other people who know me can hold me and my husband accountable... and I mean that. I’m
talking about my parenting vision....the vision I have for my children...the ones who
have yet to be conceived. :)
Ever since I was a little girl, I have always
wanted to be a mother. I don't know what the future holds for my husband and I as far as children go, but I can only hope the good Lord blesses us with the gift of being parents one day. Here we are on our honeymoon over 2 years go..it seems like just yesterday. It is hard to think that we are already at the stage of our life where we are starting to think about that. But as much as being a mother is a desire of mine, the thought scares me more and more sometimes,
though, when I see the way some children are being raised in today’s
society. It saddens me. What I see more than anything is parents
raising their children to be “happy” rather than raising them to be servants of
the Lord, respectful to others, and living examples of integrity and good
character. Raising your kids to be “happy”
involves giving them what they want, when they want it. Raising your kids to become the latter
involves making decisions that may not be popular or easy. And plus, I don’t want my kids to be “happy,”
I want them to be joyful. Happiness is
temporary, external, and dependent upon one’s circumstances. Joy stems from
within.
I
strongly feel that parenting is not something that you can do “on a whim.” It’s
not a “fly by the seat of your pants” thing.
It’s not a “take it one day at a time and see how things go” thing. You have to have a vision. You have to “begin with the end in mind” as
Steven Covey references in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Now, let me make it very clear that I
understand that bad things happen to good people. There is no "perfect parent formula." I understand that you can be the best parent
in the world and still have a child who ends up a drug addict or an atheist or
gets pregnant at age 16. I get it… And of course there’s the flip side – the kids
who have the worst parents in the world and still manage to rise above their
circumstances and become amazing people!
Props to you, indeed. But, with that said, I feel like if your child starts
out at Point A, and you want them to end up at Point B, then the decisions that
you make in between the two points have to elicit the end result. You can’t expect your child to be respectful
to others if you don’t model that for them.
Or you can’t expect your child to value education if you make excuses to
your child’s teacher that he or she didn’t do their homework because they had
little league practice. You get my drift…
I
also think it is important to learn from the successes as well as the mistakes
of other parents. I actually make it a
point sometimes to talk to parents in my class who have really sweet and
well-behaved children who can focus and pay attention. I want to know
what they did to get them that way! And
I’ve gotten some really good answers and ideas, which I have made notes of. I
also make a point to find out what the parents of not so well behaved children
do, so I can NOT do that. But anyway,
the following is basically a letter to myself as a future parent with a DO and
DON’T list of the things I don’t want to forget when I’m a parent. I know once I become a parent I may get in
the trenches of the day to day mommy stuff and be tempted to “give in” on some
things that I didn’t want to do, and not take the time to do some of the things
that I think are important to do. So
hopefully when that moment comes, I can look back on my pre-mommy thinking and remember
my reasoning for things. I may do a great job of these one day, and I may not, but at least I will know I put forth my best effort. So anyway, here
goes….
Disclaimer: This is a letter to myself of things I want to think about as a parent to my own children. This is not meant to offend anyone in any way. If you are already a parent and you read this and disagree entirely or think I'm an idiot, that's OK. I know after I become a parent I will appreciate the hard work that goes into parenting a little more. And if some of these do's and don'ts are completely absurd and you think I'm crazy, you may be right. Then when things don't turn out like I had hoped, you can silently think to yourself, "I told you so..." But until then, it makes me feel better to have some kind of a vision....
Dear Mommy Self,
I’m sure you’re busy trying your best to be a good Wife and Mother and don’t
have much time to read this post, but just remember the following things: Be strong, stand your ground, and don’t let
the ways of this world get into the way of raising your babies to the glory of
God. And remember, get down on your
knees and pray for your little ones each and every day. Turn them over to the Lord,
and they will be just fine… You’re doing
a great job, even though you probably don’t feel like it. Now go and kiss your husband and tell him you
love him....
DON’T
·
Go overboard with decorating your kids'
rooms. Get some nice things….but mostly only
what you need. You need a crib, a
dresser, and some diapers/wipes, etc. I know it's really hard not to do this, but your kid
won’t know the difference anyway. Kids are pretty low maintenance. Don't start the downward
spiral of comparing yourself as a parent to the fairy tale land that people post
on Pinterest. If you can make a lot of the
decor and cute Pinterest stuff yourself for minimal cost or re-purpose old things,
great.....go for it. If you have to pay somebody to do it for you, skip some of the fluff. Your budget will thank you.
DON’T
·
Spent $500+ on your kids’ birthday parties. It's insane. Do a really big obnoxious 1st
birthday party. Spend money…have printed
water bottle covers and a fondant cake. Your kid only turns 1 once. Then have a modest get together from that
point forward. After age 8 or 9, let
your child and two or three friends go to the movies or somewhere special together. You will spend so much less, not have to buy
stuff and decorate and entertain people, and it will be much less stressful. Don’t buy the blowup bouncy castle
things.... That’s ridiculous and way too expensive. There's nothing wrong with getting some b-day ideas from Pinterest, just hold yourself back from going overboard and don't get all stressed out over trivial details that your kid will never remember anyway... The purpose of a child birthday party is to
celebrate a child’s life and honor them, not to impress all of your friends and
family.
DON’T
·
Plaster pictures of your kids face on your
Facebook banner thingie AND your profile picture. It looks like your baby has a Facebook page…
and it looks like you’re not married anymore.
If you’re still married, then at least one picture at the top of your
profile should have your husband in it….or the whole family at that. You wouldn’t have that kid if it wasn’t for
your husband. Also, don’t send Christmas
cards with JUST your kids’ picture on it. Like... the whole card shouldn't be your kid's face. I look at people’s Christmas cards
later and say, “Whose kid is that, again?”
Put your whole family’s picture on the Christmas card so people know who
the cute kids belong to! Kids are
amazing little gifts from God, but your life doesn’t revolve around them and
your Facebook and Christmas cards shouldn’t either.
DON’T
·
Stop being affectionate to your spouse after you
have kids. Yes, children are known sleep
deprivers and time suckers. But how hard
is it to hug, kiss, and cuddle with each other on the couch still? Exactly…it’s not. It takes minimal effort and time, and it
helps you stay connected even when things get crazy! Very important…
DON’T
·
Feel the need to have professional photos taken
of your child every month from birth to age 18.
Yes, professional photography is absolutely stunning. No, there is nothing wrong with having professional
pictures of your kids taken..just not every 5 seconds. Yes, professional photos will be something
you cherish forever….but so are the ones you snapped with your $150 Canon. If
you happen to have a friend who does photography and will do professional
photography for you for FREE, at a deep
discount, or barter with you for photography services, then please disregard
this one. But that stuff ain’t cheap! Some people can’t feed their kids and take professional
pictures of them too… It doesn’t make
you a bad parent. Better yet, invest in
a great camera, put it in the hands of somebody who can hold it remotely straight,
get your kids to smile (or lie sleeping curled up inside of a boot or on a
bench in the middle of a poppy field if you have a baby….haha..I know you're seen those),
and you’ve got professional photos for free!!
DON’T
Give
your child your I-Phone or an I-Pad when you’re at home and they are getting
bored or even more so when you’re out in public to make them shut-up so you can
have some peace and quiet to do your grocery shopping or eat your meal in
silence at the restaurant. What you’re doing is going cripple your children now,
but even more so later in life. Kids can’t
learn patience if they aren’t ever made to wait. They can’t learn to self-entertain if you
shove an electronic device into their hands at the first sign of restlessness. When your child gets in school, if they aren’t
already, your child’s teacher is going to have to work tirelessly to undo what
you’re doing, because whenever they have to learn something that isn’t the most
interesting thing in the world (because not everything is) or perform a task that
requires sustained mental effort and focus and/or is not their favorite thing
to do (which we all have to learn to do at one point or another), they are
going to get restless, fidgety, distracted, and become a behavior issue. You are unknowingly causing them to develop the
attention span of a goldfish… Instead,
give your kids puzzles, let them build things with legos, play board games with
them, let them color, paint, and model with clay, and play outside…things like
this not only develop fine motor skills (which children are sorely lacking, as
evidenced by their poor handwriting skills) but they help to develop attention
spans, creativity, and problem solving skills.
When they get restless at the restaurant, play a game with them. Play eye spy, count the sugar packets on the
table and sort them by color (building math skills here….), give them a
coloring book, talk to them, or heaven forbid give them a REAL book!! In the grocery store, play a rhyming word
game or have a color, shape, or letter/word scavenger hunt. Kids LOVE that stuff. Yes, I know that there are “educational apps”
out there. Yes, I know kids CAN learn
things from electronics. But don’t let that fool you into thinking that these
devices are better for your child than actual interaction with the world around
them and more importantly, with you. These
are the things that will build memories, give your child the quality time they
need with you, and help develop thoughtful and patient young people who can
entertain themselves and focus for more than 5 seconds. (I already made a Facebook post about this one yesterday pleading parents to help us teachers out.)
DON’T
·
Let what other parents are giving their kids
influence you with the way you raise your kids.
If other parents are letting their kids do things or see things that you
don’t approve of, have that child come to your house instead. Don’t fall into the “keeping up with the
Jones’” or “so-and-so’s parents got them this….maybe we should get our kid one
too” traps. Your child will not suffer
if they don’t have everything that so-and-so’s parents gave them.
DON’T
·
Buy frozen chicken nuggets, french fries, pizzas,
or hot dogs for your kids to eat. Those
foods won’t be staple “kid foods” if your kid doesn’t ever eat those
things. Give your kids real food. If they don’t eat what you cook, they don’t
eat. DO allow your kids to have a little
less desirable food when a babysitter comes.
That way your babysitter will want to come back (because you haven’t
instructed her to prepare a 3 course meal for your toddlers), and it will be a special
treat!
DON’T
·
Give your kids JUICE and SODA. Only let them drink water and milk once or
twice a day. If they never drink juice
and soda, they’ll never know it’s an option.
If they have to have flavor, put that Mio or Crystal Light stuff in
their water. You’ll save on grocery
bills, and your kids won’t have diabetic blood sugar levels…
DON’T
·
Have 10 million toys all over your house. Kids have way too many toys and they take up
way too much space and clutter up your entire house. Most of your kids stuff should be creative
supplies, anyway (paper, crayons, playdough, blocks). But as far as toys go, every birthday and
Christmas they should be required to get rid of the same number of toys as they
were given to donate to charity. That
way they learn to help out the less fortunate and your house doesn’t get
overtaken by Playschool and Matel.
DON’T
·
Think that just because your kid gets a toy as a
gift that you have to allow them to play with it. Hopefully the people that give your kids
gifts kind of know your rules about what you do and don’t allow your kids to
play with, but if somebody gives your kid a video game or a gun and you don’t
want your kid to play with it, don’t.
There is no rule that says that just because your kid got a really bad
gift from somebody that you have to let them have it.
DON’T
·
Listen to the top 40 station in the car with
your kids..or even some country stations too.
There is nothing wrong with Usher, Katy Perry, or Maroon 5…for
adults.
I actually love some of these
artists.
I am also 27 years old.
But when your kids start singing, “I tried my
best to feed her appetite..keep her coming every night…so hard to keep her
satisfied, oh” you’ve got some problems.
Even the “Kidz Bop” songs are SO not appropriate for kids.
Just because you take out the explicit curse
words, doesn’t mean singing about sex in a roundabout way is okay. Here’s
Brittney’s lyrics to Toxic on the Kidz Bop Cd… "With a taste of your lips
, I'm on a ride, You're toxic, I'm slipping under, With a taste of poison
paradise, I'm addicted to you, Don't you know that you're toxic, And I love
what you do, Don't you know that you're toxic." What?!
And that’s not even one of the worst ones…
If you don’t believe me, here’s an article to
speak to that…
http://voices.yahoo.com/kids-bop-want-kid-singing-those-song-lyrics-65432.html?cat=25
DON’T
·
Sign your kids up for 4 different extra curricular
activities that require you to chauffeur them across town 3-5 days a week…AND on
weekends. And DON’T let other parents try to convince you that your kid won’t
develop social skills or won’t be popular if they don’t get on the same team as
all the “cool” kids. The other parents
might not phrase it exactly like that, but there IS a such thing as parenting
peer pressure. And don’t fall for the
argument of, “Well, your child needs to be well-rounded so they need to be
involved in lots of different activities.”
No, they don’t. What adult do you
know who plays baseball, soccer, hockey, and performs gymnastics, karate, plays
the piano, and can watercolor paint?
Exactly my point..you don’t. That’s
because everybody specializes in what they are best at. Nobody is good at everything. What makes you think your child will be
either? If you must try out different
activities to see which ones your child is good at, do them one at a time. If your child is under the age of 5 or 6 they probably
don’t need to be involved in any organized sports or activities at all, for
that matter. Kids are so overscheduled
these days that when they don’t have an organized activity scheduled to
entertain them, they are bored and don’t know what to do. Play outside…what’s that??!
Another issue is the
fact that the majority of extracurricular activities usually take place around dinner
time. Guess what that means…. …another
trip through the drive through in order to feed your kids, because who has time
to drive to the ball fields at 5:00, sit through a little league practice, AND
have a healthy dinner cooked and ready to eat when your family gets home. What, you say? You mean you can’t chop
veggies and braise meats while you sit on the bleachers? No, you can’t. That’s why you get them happy meals on the
way home from practice, which is why your kids won’t eat healthy food (because
they know you’ll get them happy meals), and it’s also why your kids are
starting to suffer from that common syndrome known as childhood obesity. Yes, I know you can make a crock pot meal,
but who does that EVERY NIGHT? Oh, and if you have more than one child, that
most likely means you take one kid to one extracurricular event while the other
parent takes the other kid. Good…so now
you’ve spent all day at work away from your spouse and now your family is still
split up and you can’t spend time together, or eat a meal together. That is a recipe for stress and poor family dynamics. Not to mention, those t-ball games are often
held on SUNDAY MORNINGS. Good…let’s also
send our kids the message that playing sports is more important than worshipping
the Lord. Yes, I know that learning
teamwork is important. Your kid can learn that at school and by playing games
with other children at school and family members at home. Yes, I know that learning not to be a sore
loser is important. This is also learned with Uno, Candy Land, and Mother May
I. Yes, I know you want your kid to get a college scholarship. But since when
does signing up your kid at age 3 for t-ball guarantee them a full ride to the
university of their choice? Exactly, it
doesn’t. Why don’t you focus more on making
them SMART, so they can get an academic scholarship??? Being intelligent will serve them far better
in life than being an athlete. If you
weren’t a star athlete, chances are your kid won’t be either… And if you were a star athlete, it still
doesn’t mean your kid will be one. Chances are, your kid might not want to
follow in your footsteps. All in all,
sports can be fun and provide great experiences for your child, but don’t let
sports (OR DANCE) run your life, your family’s life, your health, and your
finances. One more thing….you don’t need
to buy your kid the $250 baseball bat from Sportsman’s Warehouse. It won’t make
them a better athlete. If you must have
one, buy it on Craigslist. And PLEASE
don’t be that parent at the soccer game
who is yelling at the 6 year olds and getting snappy and aggravated at other
parents for blocking your kid from making the winning goal. Get a life!!! If you have nothing more exciting
to look forward to in life than micromanaging your kid’s sporting event, then
maybe you need another hobby.
And don’t totally throw out music as a wonderful extracurricular
activity opportunity. Voice, piano,
violin, etc. are wonderful skills for kids to learn. And they are LIFELONG skills… You can only play football while you’re
young and less susceptible to injury (but as we all know, later in life you
will have to have knee replacement surgery and will suffer from arthritis…but
that’s beside the point). You can play music
and sing your entire life….and it’s not hazardous to your health.
DON’T
·
Let your kids watch the latest movies that come
out just because they were created by PIXAR or DISNEY. Half of the “kid” movies
that come out aren’t even really “kid” movies.
The majority of the humor is adult humor that your child wouldn’t
understand anyway….. and farting noises, sarcasm, and witty one-liners are
often cute and funny on-screen when OTHER kids are saying them, but not so much
when your 4 year old starts to repeat them at inopportune times, like at school
or in church.
Also, did anybody know
that the movie industry is starting to phase out G Rated movies??
People forget that the movie industry is a
business and that the wider an audience is for a film, the more money it will
make.
(
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/film-industry-phasing-out-g-rated-movies/
)
This doesn’t necessarily mean the best
viewing material for young kids.
Stick
to the old movie classics that have respectful dialogue and no potty humor
(Charlotte’s Web, The Secret Garden, old Disney classics, etc).
Just because it’s animated, doesn’t mean it’s
appropriate.
DON’T
·
In relation to the above comment about movies,
don’t think that because a TV program is on Cartoon Network, Disney, or
Nickelodeon that it’s appropriate for children.
Use your judgment!
There is so
much trash on those shows that promote violence, disrespect to adults, and even
more inappropriate stuff that you don’t want your child seeing, repeating, or
mimicking.
In addition, the fast pace nature
of Spongebob and other cartoons like it have actually been proved to derail a
child’s ability to focus and sustain attention after watching it.
See study…
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/12/is-spongebob-squarepants-bad-for-children/?_r=0
. TV Shows like that which feature frequent irony and sarcasm are also
confusing to children.
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/sarcasm-spongebob-not-for-young-kids/.TV
should be very limited, anyway.
But if
they are going to watch it, it should be a slower paced show and educational in
nature…preferably without advertisements.
DON’T
·
Make excuses for your child’s poor behavior…to
anyone, but especially to their teacher.
Don’t say, “Well, she told me she’s really trying to tell the truth, so
I know she’s working on it..” (No lie, a parent said this to me one time.) Um…no. You don’t TRY to tell the truth. You either tell the truth, or you don’t. There is no TRY… Honesty is an expectation. And when your 5 year old child is up running
around the restaurant don’t say, “It’s just so hard for him to sit still….but it’s
okay though, he’s not bothering anybody.”
Yes, he is bothering people, because now, instead of focusing on their
dinner conversation, the innocent bystanders are focusing on your child running
around the restaurant. I know sometimes kids have a hard time being
still, so if your child is too young to be in a restaurant without a play area,
then don’t take them. But after your kid
starts kindergarten (and probably before), sitting still and quiet for a period
of time should be an expectation.
DON’T
·
Sit with your child and do their homework with
them…unless it involves you timing them for a reading fluency passage or
calling our words for them to spell. If
it is a worksheet or reading homework, they should do that on their own. If you sit right with them, they will
continuously ask for help even when they don’t need it, and you will end up doing
most of the work because you will get frustrated with them and realize that if
you just do it, it will go faster, so you will. And then you’ve just defeated
the purpose of your child having homework in the first place.
DON’T
·
Think that just because your child asks for
something from Santa Claus that you have to give it to them. Explain to your kids that Santa Claus will get them some
things that they want, but that he knows what is best for them. Explain that Santa Claus will only get them
toys that Mommy and Daddy allow them to have.
I never got half the things I asked for, but I knew that Santa would
bring me what he wanted me to have, so I was always happy. Half the things I got were better than what I asked for anyway.
DON’T
·
Get carried away with the Elf on the
Shelf thing at Christmas. No, you won’t
be a bad parent if you decide to do the elf....but don’t let it be a “the elf is watching you so you better be
good” thing. Your kids should be good
anyway..elf present or not. Don’t hold the elf
over their head or go to extreme measures to make the elf do ridiculous stunts
or make messes. If the elf makes messes
or does naughty things, how do you expect your kid to not make messes and do
naughty things? If you do the elf, it should just be for fun and not a behavior motivator.
DO
·
Have a united front with your kids. Don’t make major (and even some trivial) parenting
decisions without consulting your spouse.
If you know your husband or wife has told your kids no candy before
dinner, for example, then don’t go behind their back and give it to them so you
look like the “nice” parent. If you know
your husband or wife doesn’t let them listen to a certain type of music in the
car, don’t say, “Oh it will be okay this one time…I’m sure mommy won’t mind.” It undermines the other parent and makes them
loose credibility. If you let that
happen, your kids will be the first to notice and will use that to drive a
wedge between you. And don’t ever say
anything negative about a parenting decision your spouse made in front of your
child. That is deceitful, hurtful, and
disrespectful to your spouse. Do not let
your kids ask you one thing (and get a no answer) and then go ask the other
parent hoping for a different answer. If
one of you says no, that means no, and a consequence should follow if your child
tries to ask the other parent.
DO
·
Pray with your kids every night. Yes, it will be awkward sometimes. Yes, you
may say the same things every single night.
No, your child may have absolutely no idea what you are saying. Do it anyway.
DO
·
Read your children bedtime stories and just stories
in general. Talk with them about the
story…what lessons did the characters learn?
Have them make predictions, inferences, etc. as you read. Read chapter books to them. Read them Bible stories and talk about how
God worked in people’s lives.
DO
·
Teach your kids bible verses…. and recite verses
to them for encouragement during hard times, comfort during scared or unsettling
times, and teaching when they get in trouble.
DO
·
Pray with your spouse every night. Like the saying says, “The couple who prays
together stays together!” And plus, your
life probably needs all the prayer it can get.
DO
·
Let God and His Word be the source of wisdom for
raising your children, and not the ways of this world. What the world says and what other parents
say may not be what God says. At the end
of the day, it doesn’t matter how “cool” you are as a parent or how “popular”
your parenting style is. At the end of the day, what matters is that we are
raising our children to love the Lord, serve the Lord, walk in His ways, and
teach others to do the same. If we can’t honestly say that, then we need to do
some major re-evaluating of our priorities.
DO
Involve your children in service opportunities and raise them to have a servant's heart. Let them draw pictures and make cards for friends and family in the hospital, let them make cookies to give to the mailman to thank him, let them take goodies to the fire stations on holidays to show gratitude toward our service workers. Bring them to volunteer at a soup kitchen, and take them on a missions trip to somewhere less fortunate than our own community. Help make them aware of how blessed they are and never let them forget it!
DO
·
Practice handwriting with your child at home
around age 4. Teach them the CORRECT way
to form letters. Unfortunately, teachers
don’t have enough time to teach handwriting effectively, and your child’s
teacher will love you and them forever if you take the time to do this, because
they will actually be able to read their work.
Nobody cares how awesome your child’s story is if it isn’t legible.
DO
·
Let your child hold pencils, pens, markers,
crayons, scissors, etc. at an early age.
Yes, they make a mess. No, they will not cut on the lines at first. But no one got good at anything by not
practicing. If you never let your kids
do this, they will never be able to color in the lines, cut on the lines, or
draw a straight line, and you will end up doing their school projects for them. Not cool.
DO
·
Buy your kids clothes at Goodwill and thrift
stores….especially baby clothes. I have
found more perfectly beautiful smocked dresses than I will ever need for $5 or
less at Goodwill. Take it home, wash it,
and put it on the baby. No one will ever
know….the baby will never know… and
everyone will just think that your child is very well dressed. If you must, monogram it… and then it looks
even more high class! And don’t buy expensive shoes for your
kids. Their feet grow like weeds, and it’s
just not worth the money.
DO
·
Bring up your children with an appreciation for
nature. Walk around the neighborhood and
pick up pretty leaves. Come back and
sort them by color or make a leaf wreath. Look at rainbows and remind them of
God’s promise. Teach them to notice
sunsets, breezes, the way grass feels underneath their toes… teach them flower names. Take them to nurseries and let them pick out
plants for the yard. Take them for walks
in forests and pastures and let them see how beautiful rivers, lakes, and
streams are… Take them outside at night and
let them look at the moon and the stars.
Point out constellations and teach them to find them. Take your kids fishing.
DO
·
Plant a garden with your kids. Let them pick out the veggies and fruits they
want to try. They will be more likely to
eat them if they know they had a hand in growing them. There is nothing more humbling than bring forth
food from the soil. And you will have
organic produce for free!! Budget
friendly indeed.
DO
·
Put your kids to bed at a decent hour…preferably
7:45 or 8:00. Yes, your social night
life won’t be as “happenin” but your kids will get a good night’s rest and therefore
be better behaved in school. (I can’t tell you how many behavior issues I’ve
solved by asking a parent to put their kid to bed 30 minutes earlier..kids,
like adults, get cranky and irritable when they’re tired). Also, you and your spouse will be able to
have time together in the evenings, which you need to keep your marriage
spicy!
DO
·
Go out on a date night at least once per
month. There is no excuse not to do
this. If you don’t have family that lives
close by (which you do) to keep the kids, trade nights with a neighbor who also
has kids (no $$ involved). There are
also a million and one blogs that have date night ideas that cost absolutely
nothing!! Your kids will be perfectly
fine without you. You are doing them a
favor by getting away and spending time with your spouse. Don’t convince yourself otherwise. You can’t have a happy home if your marriage
is on the brink of divorce. Take all
means necessary to put your marriage first.
Your kids will thank you later.
DO
·
Be affectionate in front of your kids. Kiss, hug, and embrace your spouse in front
of your children. If anything makes kids feel more secure (as much as they deny
it with the “Ewww gross!” comments) it is knowing their parents love each
other. If your children learn any lessons about marriage it should be from you. If you never kiss in front of your kids they
will think that husbands and wives aren’t affectionate to one another, which
isn’t true. If you know you’ve hurt your
spouse’s feelings, say you’re sorry in front of your kids. It will help them to see that even adults
make mistakes, but that you have to own up to your mistakes and make amends.
DO
·
Play music for your kids….from Day 1. Instead of the TV being on in the background all
day…..put on Pandora or a CD. Let them
listen to classical, jazz, etc. Teach them
what oldies music is. Let them love
Frank Sinatra! Get them used to
listening to the Christian radio stations.
No, don’t let them listen to old school gangsta rap…..until they are way
older (and even then no explicit lyrics).
Some Jock Jams & Ace of Base may be appropriate at upper elementary
age (think skating rink music..). No, don’t listen to the Top 40 radio station
in the car with your 5 year old. They
have ears… and they can talk. It is not “cute”
or “funny” when your kid starts reciting Lady Gaga and Eminem lyrics at school. Lyrics about drugs and sex should not be
coming out of your kids’ mouths.
DO
·
Make your kids play outside. Yes, it is hot sometimes. Put a pitcher of cold water and some cups on
the back porch. Buy a $10 blow up pool
from Wally World and put 6 inches of water in it. Or better yet..let them run around barefoot
and naked (with underwear on, of course… and sunscreen). It builds character. Yes, it is cold sometimes. Put them on a jacket and let them come inside
periodically for some hot cocoa. Tip: Have a designated hold digging area in the
yard. Then you can’t get mad about it… Also, see idea on Pinterest board about
putting a chalkboard on your fence outside…great writing and drawing practice.
DO
·
Let your kids play in the rain. Why not?
It’s fun and FREE!
DO
·
Make your kids do chores.
No, do not ASK them to do chores.
Chores aren’t a choice.
They are an expectation and part of living in
a home and being a contributing member of a family.
Do not bargain with your kids to do chores.
They either do them, or there is a consequence. Make chores fun…like a
race.
Whoever can match up the most
socks wins!
Whoever cleans up their room
the best (with no stuffing things in the closet or under the bed of course..)
gets an extra glass of chocolate milk!
I
mean…simple stuff here, people.
See article
about appropriate chores for every age:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/motivating_kids_to_clean_up/age_appropriate_chores.aspx
DO
·
Spank your kids if it is necessary. Don’t overuse this technique, though, or it
will lose its effectiveness. Time out is
a joke in most cases. Don’t keep too
many toys in your kid’s room, because if you send them to their room it will be
fun. You want it to be boring. If it’s boring they won’t want to get sent to
their rooms and they will think twice about misbehaving. Don’t ever be afraid to give a consequence if
your child is out in public and misbehaves.
If kids think you won’t punish them when you’re out in public, they will
push their limits, which they do. If
they know you’ll jerk them up, take them out to the car or the bathroom (no
matter who is around or what they may think of you), and give them a spanking,
they will be less likely to push the limits.
DO
·
INSIST upon good manners!!!!! Insist upon Yes Ma’ams and No Ma’ams and Yes
Sirs and No Sirs. Insist on pleases and
thank yous. If they don’t say it there should be some kind of a consequence.
Or if they say potty words or worse, curse words, they should get the
soap in the mouth treatment or maybe a spoonful of vinegar….that would be nasty (but also
good for you according to Dr. Oz). Manners
matter.
DO
·
Follow through with what you say you’re doing to
do. If you tell your kids they can’t go to
so-and-so’s birthday unless they clean their room, then don’t take them. Even if so-and-so’s mom is your BFF and YOU
really want to go to the party, still don’t take them. Or if you told your kid that if they didn’t
get smiley faces all week long at school that they couldn’t spend the night
with a friend, and they got smiley faces 4 out of 5 days, but not 5 out of 5
days like you originally said, don’t say things like, “Well…I know you tried
your best this week, so you can still go.”
That’s basically telling them that you’ll settle for mediocrity and that
doing just enough will get you by.
DO
·
Cook at home at lot and eat dinners as a
family. After your kids are old enough
let them help cook. Eat our minimally. This will help the budget, and it will make
eating out a BIG DEAL! If you eat out all the time, it’s no longer a novelty. We never ate out growing up. So my mom made it this huge deal. We were always on our best behavior because
we wanted to make sure she took us out again.
She was so smart…
DO
·
Take your kids out on date nights occasionally. Daddy Daughter, Mommy Daughter, Daddy-Son,
& Mommy Son dates are a must! This
will build personal relationships with your kids and special memories.
DO
·
Make your kids write thank you notes. I am bad about this sometimes... Maybe I can redeem myself vicariously through my children. :)
Well, in summary, I
think that sums up the major points…. There may be more to come. But basically, be smart, use common sense,
and trust in God’s grace. There is no
such thing as a perfect parent, and you won’t be any exception to that
rule. You will make mistakes, and you
will learn from them. But above all,
show your little ones they are loved and do what is BEST for them….not in the
moment, but in the grand scheme of life. Things may not turn out like you planned, but everything will always be in God's plan...which is even better.
Love, Pre-Mommy
Self
PS: If any of you
have additional helpful Christian parenting tips and ideas, I’d love to hear!
This DIY tutorial is for one of my favorite monogram projects I've done yet - the Monogram Letter Wreath. More and more people are using wreath alternatives to hang on their front doors, and the Monogram Letter Wreath is one of those alternatives. A Monogram Letter Wreath is not really a wreath... it's basically just 1 letter (your last initial) or 3 letters (full monogram) that are hung with ribbon on your door or inside your home. Monogram Letter Wreaths can come in many different forms. Some are made of metal, some wood, and some are made of other materials. The one I am going to show you how to make is made using a wooden letter wrapped in twine. I really love this look because it is very classy, but has more of a shabby chic look to it....and the twine gives it a very natural feel.
I purchased my wooden letter, twine, and ribbon at Hobby Lobby for about $12. So here's how to assemble your Monogram Letter Wreath....
