Tuesday, July 9, 2013

How Do You Know If You're a Teacher?

A friend shared this with me recently, and I had to laugh!!  These are Jeff Foxworthy's 21 things that mean you are a teacher!   He is such a hoot!!  I think all of these but like 2 or 3 are 100% completely true... I LOVE teaching, but it sure has its ups and downs!! Haha.

1) You get a secret thrill out of laminating things. 
           Um.....yes.  This is sad, but me and one of my teacher friends actually had a "laminating party" where we got together over the summer and printed out a ton of learning games and resources, laminated them, and cut them out.  Also, no one is allowed to cut out my lamination unless they are as equally OCD as I am.  There is an art to this....  I mean, if you cut it too close, the lamination comes apart and you have to re-laminate it, which is NOT COOL! But if you cut it too far away from the paper, then it leaves bulky edges and the kids just bend them and play with them.  So lamination has to be cut at the perfect distance away from the actual laminated item to minimize the chance of if coming apart and maximize the life of the laminated item.

2)You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
         This is also can tell who is misbehaving by the kids' voice... and, also, of course by who is yelling, "Mrs. and so cut me!!"  

3) You walk into a store and hear the words, “It’s Ms./Mr. ____________ and know you have been spotted.
       This actually does not bother me so bad.... as long as I am dressed appropriately and have make-up on (not that I make it a habit to do that...).  I have seriously only seen students out in public maybe 5 or 6 times in my 5 years of teaching, so it's not so bad.  I like seeing them because they run up to you like you're a movie star and you feel famous!!

4) You have 25 people who  accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.
       If I had a dollar for every time time this happened, I'd be a rich woman.  This kind of makes me laugh actually, because the kids catch themselves immediately and get all embarrassed.  It's kind of cute.  This may not be as fun after I have kids, though...because then I'm going to hear "Mom" all day at school and then, "Moooooooommmm!!" all day at home.  EEEEkkk.  

5) You can eat a multi-course meal in under 25 minutes.
       Correction to this one... actually I can eat a multi-course meal in under 10 minutes... and that includes a potty break!!  By the time we get the kids through the lunch line, open 10 million ketchup packets, and attend to the kid who stuffed their chicken nuggets in their milk carton and spilled it all over themselves, we only have about 8.45 minutes left to eat.

6)  You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day, lunch and planning period.
       I used to do this, but now I'm old and I have to go more often.  I have a bathroom in my classroom, though, so it's okay.  I mean...when you gotta go, you gotta go!  

7) You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.
        This one....not so much.  The only thing I save of other people's is magazines for words scavenger hunts.  But, honestly, we don't have time for arts and crafts, unfortunately....    

8) You believe the Teacher’s Lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.
        I would be 100% okay with this...
9)  You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off”.
       My husband can attest to this.... I have almost gotten into all out brawls with people who start this argument.  You stay up til midnight every night making Smartboard lessons and then get up at 4:45, take classes and do work all during your vacation, tie shoes and clean up potty accidents all day.....and then tell me you don't need a break!!  And anybody who says teachers leave at 3:00 is crazy!  I know like two teachers who ever leave at 3:00.  Most of us work longer days than the average business job.  Instead of 9-5, we're more like 7-5!  And we don't get paid "overtime" for working more hours. If we have to stay until 7:00 for a meeting or conference, that is on our watch.  

10) You believe chocolate is a food group.
      I don't think this just applies to teachers.  This is common knowledge among women in general, I believe.  Right ladies??  

11) You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.
      I'm not superstitious.... and I don't really believe in all that mumbo jumbo.  But honestly, this one is true!  I don't know what kind of weird forces of gravity start to happen during the full moon, but the kids do go a little bonkers.  And aren't more babies born on a full moon too??  There's got to be some kind of a scientific explanation for this.  

12) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids are sure mellow today.”
      This one is the whole "knock on wood" kind of thing.  You just don't say things like that.  It's like when I said, "Man...I haven't been sick this whole school year!" And then what happens the next week??  I leave school early only to be diagnosed with the FLU and STREP....AT THE SAME TIME!!  

13) You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.
       This one is probably the most true out of all of them!!  Oh my goodness....when I see kids sassing their parents, or whining, or running around the store I just want to grab them and say, "What on Earth do you think you're doing!!??"  Some of these parents don't seem the least bit bothered by the atrocious behavior's like they're immune to it.  I, personally, would be embarrassed if my kid acted the way some of these kids do in public.  I actually make it a point to give parents compliments when I see their kids being very well-behaved or polite, and I tell that that their 1st grade teachers will be very grateful!!!  

14) You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.
        Ehhhh...only for the ones who need it.  Some kids are perfectly capable of sitting still for short periods of time, concentrating on work without staring around the room and tapping on their desk, and paying attention during lessons.  Others....not so much.  

15) You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
      I do enjoy coffee and a coke every now and again...but I'm not one of these people that can't function unless I have at least 3 cups of coffee in the morning and a Diet Coke by lunchtime.  That's a little much....  

16) You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
      This one is 100% true....because I don't have my own children.  But, even if I did, I'd still spend money on my classroom because you have to!  If you want something for your room other than sticky notes, file folders, and paperclips, you might as well just take your tail down to Wal-mart and buy it yourself.  Every single year I save my school receipts for tax purposes and in 5 years I've never cleared less than $750 in school expenses...some years over $1000.  

17) You can’t pass the school supply aisle without getting at least 5 items!
       I do not do this actually...   That's what the kids' supply lists are for!  

18) You ask your friends to use their words and explain if the left hand turn he made was a “good choice” or “bad choice.”
       When I taught in another district we used to teach "Lifeskills" like Patience, Perseverance, Integrity, Creativity, Courage, etc.  I remember one time saying to my sister... "You're not using your Lifeskill of Patience!"   She was like, "What are you talking about!?"  She never let me live that one down!

19) You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
       Who doesn't love freshly sharpened pencils??  But honestly, this sight is actually quite calming indeed because it means my day will not be full of the loud and disruptive noise of the electric pencil sharpener.  Ahhhh....  

20) You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.
       If you were around 25 kids all day who coughed, sneezed, sucked on their fingers, and didn't wash their hands after they used the bathroom, you would be addicted to it too.    

21) You understand, instantaneously, why a child behaves in a certain way after meeting his/her parents.
       I'm not even going to touch this one...  But all I have to say is, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  And to give some parents credit...often that is good thing!  Thank you to all of the parents out there who expect pleases, thank yous, yes ma'ams, and no ma'ams, hold your kids accountable by following up with consequences at home if your child comes home from school with a bad report, and who support your child's teacher instead of defending your child's poor behavior and choices.  We teachers appreciate you!!!

                               So teacher friends...any of these ring true for you??? 

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